On Sunday, January 31, from 1:30 to 3:00 pm, in Room West D at Irving Bible Church, Tapestry will host an information meeting for anyone interested in knowing more about foster care, adoption from foster care or respite/relief care. This information meeting is a great opportunity to simply get more information about foster care and foster adoption that can help you decide what path might be best for you and your family.
For those wanting to move forward training classes will be offered at Irving Bible Church during the month of February. Click here for the Winter 2010 training class schedule.
As the pictures from the devastation in Haiti continue to pour in, the reality of the long, slow road of recovery and rebuilding is becoming more apparent. But even in the midst of the tragedy, heartache and seeming hopelessness, God is clearly at work. Over the past days we have seen and heard inspiring stories of remarkable faith, hope and courage from Haiti. And the response from Christians across the U.S. – particularly toward the orphans and vulnerable children in Haiti – has been equally encouraging.
Understandably, the situation in Haiti has led many Christians to begin asking questions about international adoption, and specifically about adoption from Haiti. There have been countless news reports about the status and future of international adoptions from Haiti and, not surprisingly, no small amount of confusion has resulted.
In an effort to provide some reliable facts and some helpful next steps, we wanted to let you know what we have learned about the current adoption landscape in Haiti. In doing so we are only attempting to touch on the high points. As always, if you have questions or need more information please contact Tapestry at tapestry@irvingbible.organd we will be sure to follow up with you.
Some Basic Facts about International Adoption from Haiti
Prior to the earthquake there were (according to recent estimates) as many as 380,000 orphans in Haiti. Tragically, some have estimated that the number of orphans in Haiti may double or even triple as a result of the earthquake. Yet despite this staggering number of orphans only a little more than 300 Haitian children were adopted by U.S. families in 2009. In addition, the average time to complete an international adoption from Haiti pre-earthquake was close to three years.
We could write a book about why this disparity between the number of orphans and the number of international placements exists, whether it is defensible (or not), why the wait time is so long, why the tension between adoption and humanitarian organizations exists and so on. But the reality is that international adoption was not adequate to address the needs of the vast majority of Haiti’s orphans pre-earthquake, and that will continue to be the case for the foreseeable future. As a result, we must all focus on the crucial importance of continuing to pray, give, advocate and serve – not just for the immediate needs in Haiti (which are many and urgent) but for the long-term. Along those lines, let us encourage you to continue to pray about how God would have you, your family and your church be involved to serve the ‘fatherless’.
Adoptions in Process Pre-Earthquake
The U.S. and Haitian governments have determined to “expedite” many of the adoptions that were already in process prior to the earthquake. This is being done via a process known as “humanitarian parole” and it relates to two categories of children whose adoptions were already in process pre-earthquake: (1) children who had been legally confirmed as orphans eligible for intercountry adoption by the Haitian government and (2) children who had been identified by an adoption service provider or facilitator as eligible for intercountry adoption and were matched to prospective U.S. adoptive parents. Certainly this is terrific news for the children and families affected and we rejoice with them.
Adoptions Post-Earthquake
We can make this real simple – as of now no new international adoption processes are being started for children in Haiti. As we noted earlier, one of the best and most reliable places to go for information on all international adoption country programs (including Haiti) is the Joint Council on International Children’s Services (JCICS). The JCICS webpage for Haiti indicates very clearly that new adoptions from Haiti by U.S. citizens are “closed.” While there does seem to be some ongoing discussion in the U.S. about streamlining the international adoption process for Americans wanting to adopt from Haiti (and possibly other countries as well), there is no clear indication as to whether or when that will happen.
How You Can Respond
The fact that Haiti is currently closed for new adoptions should not discourage you from taking the next step and getting involved. There are many different ways to serve orphans in Haiti and around the world, and we would be happy to discuss your options with you – so don’t hesitate to contact us.
If God has opened your eyes to the needs of the ‘fatherless’ and is calling you to adopt – even if you feel called to adopt specifically from Haiti – there is still much that you can do. Many people think that beginning the adoption process means that they need to research information about agencies, gather the necessary financial resources, fill out applications and start waiting. Some people are even considering rushing out to obtain a generic home study.
These are all certainly ways you can get started, but they may not be the best ways. Let us encourage you to “get started” in a somewhat different fashion. By pouring yourself into the tangible steps listed below you will be “getting started” in a direction that will help you build a strong foundation for one day loving and serving a child in need – whether from Haiti, your own community or wherever God may lead you:
● Pray – To some it may sound almost cliché, but the first step (and a continual part) of any adoption journey for those who are followers of Christ must be to pray. No matter where your journey leads you please continue to pray.
● Examine – Your motivations and expectations matter when it comes to adoption, and yet many people spend far too little time examining themselves. Pray and talk throug this list of questions, and read this helpful article about the importance of continually examining your motivations and expectations.
● Prepare – Children who are impacted by adoption and foster care have histories that can have profound impacts in a multitude of ways. These “children from hard places,” which certainly includes all of the orphans in Haiti, will need parents who not only have huge hearts and a deep well of compassion, they need parents who are informed, equipped and committed to building trust and helping their child heal. There are some great resources available to help parents understand these challenges and how to meet them. Some of the best resources can be found at Empowered to Connect. For those who are new to adoption and need a good place to start learning about the different adoption paths and some of the characteristics and issues associated with each, check out Tapestry’s Adoption & Foster Care Resource Guide.
Tapestry is committed to helping and serving families called to adoption and foster care in any way that we can. As the situation in Haiti continues to develop we will be sure to provide periodic updates here on the Tapestry blog.
In the meantime, please let us know how we can best serve you as you prayerfully consider how God would have you respond.
This coming Tuesday, January 26, from 6:30 to 8:30 pm at Irving Bible Church (Room West A), Tapestry will host an event entitled Adoption: Myths and Realities.
This event is ideal for people who are early in the adoption process as well as for those who are looking to find reliable information about their real questions and concerns. During this event Michael and Amy Monroe will discuss many of the common adoption myths and contrast them with the honest realities. These myths include:
I can’t afford to adopt – it’s just too expensive.
It will take years to adopt.
Birthparents are likely to try to “reclaim” their child or insist on an unwanted ongoing relationship.
It is difficult – sometimes impossible – to bond with adopted children.
My friends and family members will have a difficult time understanding and accepting adoption and adoptive families.
Adoption is second best and if I choose to adopt I will miss out on the normal experiences.
Make plans to join us and be sure to let others know about this event.
For more information contact Amy Monroe at tapestry@irvingbible.org. Childcare is available for this event for ages 0-12 with registration at least 48 hours in advance (i.e., registration by Sunday at 6 pm). Click here for information about how to register for childcare.
Tapestry Guys Burger Night is tonight at 7 pm at Fat Daddy’s in Coppell (on Denton Tap, just south of Sandy Lake). All guys are welcome to join us for burgers and great conversation that typically covers all sorts of topics — both adoption and foster care related and otherwise.
Regardless of whether you are an adoptive or foster dad already, in the waiting process or just “kicking the tires,” this informal gathering is great place to meet other guys who have common interests and questions.
Over the past several days we’ve heard from many people inquiring about how they can best help those whose lives have been devastated by the earthquake in Haiti. Many have also inquired about serving the most vulnerable victims of this disaster, the children, through adoption or temporary care. Here are a few important things to keep in mind as you and your family pray about how God would have you respond.
The most pressing needs in Haiti right now must be addressed by prayer and rapid, emergency relief efforts. As you continue to pray for those who have been impacted by this disaster as well as for those who are responding, please consider giving to the emergency relief efforts. Click here for a list of some of the many reputable Christian organizations that are responding to the crisis in Haiti to serve children. For those who are part of the Irving Bible Church community, you can stay informed about IBC’s response here.
If you are considering starting a new Haitian adoption process, we would encourage you to wait. While that may seem counter-intuitive in the face of such a crisis with so many children orphaned and in need, there is good reason for this approach. JCICS explains it well:
“Additionally, many U.S. families are seeking to initiate adoptions of newly orphaned Haitian children. While both airlifts and new adoptions are based on valid concerns and come from an obviously loving heart, neither option is considered viable by any credible child welfare organization. Bringing children into the U.S. either by airlift or new adoption during a time of national emergency can open the door for fraud, abuse and trafficking. Every effort must be made in a timely fashion to locate living parents and extended family members. Many children, who might appear to be orphaned, may in fact be only temporarily separated from their family. Our efforts must be to provide the families and children of Haiti with shelter, nutrition, water and safety. Once the situation in Haiti stabilizes and timely reunification has taken place, adoption may be an option for the children who remain outside of permanent parental care.” — Source: JCICS website posted on January 15, 2010
But that should not leave those of us wanting to respond to help orphans in Haiti either hopeless or idle. We can wait without standing still as we pray, advocate and give.
In the days to come, as the situation in Haiti quietly fades from the front page and the evening news, please remember to pray. Pray for the people and especially the children in Haiti. Pray for the church in Haiti and how God can use your church to respond to the people of Haiti. Pray about how God can best use you and your family to make His love known to the people of Haiti.
If you have any questions or would like to talk further about responding to the situation in Haiti or about Haitian adoptions, please contact Amy Monroe at tapestry@irvingbible.org.
Mary Flo Ridley, from Just Say Yes, talked with parents at the Tapestry event this past Saturday night (January 16) about how to confidently answer questions from our children about sex and reproduction. She was also able to focus on some of the unique and especially challenging issues that adoptive and foster parents face when dealing with this important subject.
In the coming weeks we will have more resources available from this event and related to this topic from an adoptive and foster family’s perspective. But for now, be sure to check out Mary Flo’s latest resource called Simple Truths. This resource provides parents with the tools to help them talk with their children and answer their difficult questions about sex in a reassuring, insightful manner. This 4 part resource is only $49.95 until January 31. You may also be interested in the book, Questions Kids Ask About Sex, also available for purchase online from Just Say Yes.
Below is a short, laugh out loud movie clip that we opened our event with. Many, if not most, parents can relate to this dad’s experience all too well when it comes to the subject of talking with children about sex.
From the movie, Beethoven’s 2nd (1993, Universal Pictures).
On Saturday, January 16, from 6:30 to 8:30 pm at Irving Bible Church, Tapestry will host an event featuring Mary Flo Ridley, from Just Say Yes, presenting a talk entitled Sooner Than You Think . This presentation will equip parents to talk confidently and comfortably with their children (of all ages) about sex and reproduction. In addition, Mary Flo will focus on some of the unique issues that adoptive and foster families face when dealing with this important subject.
No matter where you are in the adoption or foster care journey, this event will be one you will not want to miss. The event is free and childcare is available for ages 0 to 12 with advanced registration no later than Thursday at 6 pm.
Several area churches have upcoming events that are great for those who are considering adoption or foster care. Find out more information about these opportunities below and consider taking the next step.
If Your Were Mine Workshop — Starting Tuesday, January 19, Tapestry (Watermark) will be host an interactive 7-week study called If You Were Mine for those interested in exploring whether adoption is right for their family.
Foster Care/Adoption Information Expo — On Saturday, January 30, from 9 am to 12 pm, Embrace and the North Texas CPS Regional Collaborative will host an expo with several child placing agencies represented for potential foster and adoptive families to consider.
Adoption: Myths and Realities — On Tuesday, January 26, from 6:30 to 8:30 pm, Tapestry (Irving Bible Church) will host an event entitled Adoption: Myths and Realities. This event is designed to be for those who are just beginning to consider adoption or foster care, as well as for those who still have difficult, unanswered questions.
Foster Care/Adoption Info Meeting — On Sunday, January 31, from 1:30 to 3:00 pm, Tapestry (Irving Bible Church) will host a brief information meeting for anyone interested in knowing more about foster care, adoption from foster care or respite/relief care. This meeting is a great opportunity to simply get more information about foster care and foster adoption that can help you decide what path might be best for you and your family.
The Cuchens Family - Vivi, Laurie, Billy and Isaac
Laurie and Billy Cuchens have been a part of Tapestry for nearly five years — as far back as our very first Adoption: Myths and Realities event.
They have followed God as he has led them on an amazing journey. They now have two beautiful children – Isaac (age 5) and Vivi (age 3), and have spoken at various Tapestry events where they have shared from their wealth of experiences and perspective. Billy also writes regularly for Adoptive Families magazine (check out some of his stories and articles here) and Laurie regularly blogs about adoption, motherhood and everyday life.
Recently Laurie wrote about her new year’s resolution for 2010. Her honest and heartfelt account is one that so many of us can relate to — in some way or another. And her resolution for 2010 is truly for all of us: “. . . joy for me is a constant thing I have to tap into. Happiness is based on circumstance, but joy is based on my position in Christ. It can never be taken from me. This new year I resolve to live with JOY. Immeasurable joy.”
Bruce and Denise Kendrick lead Embrace, an exciting church-based foster care and adoption ministry in North Texas. The Kendricks are also veteran foster parents as well as adoptive parents, and have a wealth of experience and perspective to share.
In many ways Russ* was a typical 7 year old. He loved to wear baseball hats and swim. He could count to 10 in Spanish and cheated when we played Candy Land. It was not surprise then that the first time he had ever heard the words “foster care” was when he and his baby brother, Joshua, arrived at our home.
Russ walked in at 11:30 p.m. carrying his little duffle bag and his brother’s diaper bag. He was only weeks from his 8th birthday, but confidently shook our hands when introduced by his bleary-eyed caseworker.
The caseworker looked confused as to where to set the chubby baby buckled in an ancient infant carrier, and seemed relieved when I offered to take him. My husband ushered Russ into our bedroom to show him the pack-n-play I had set up for Joshua, then took him upstairs to show him where he would be staying. The CPS worker unloaded the crumpled Happy Meal boxes in his hands onto our counter and pulled out a manilla folder. He wearily explained that he would not be the ongoing worker. He had simply been asked to “make the delivery.” From upstairs I heard a shout “Bunk beds?!!? No [expletive] way!!” The caseworker seemed not to notice the outburst of profanity and continued shuffling through the placement papers. I, on the other hand, made a “note to self”: explain “nice words” and “not nice words.”
The caseworker showed me where to sign while summarizing how these children came into care. As the days went on Russ would often share random details of life with his parents, which helped us fill in the gaps of their story.
