“Hey kiddo, you sure are special.” I suspect many kids hear this often from their parents. I know my kids do.
In fact, since my kids were little I have told them three things almost every day of their lives: “I love you, you’re special and I love being your daddy.” As they’ve gotten older we even converted this into our very own sign – three fingers sticking up, each representing an element of my reminder to them. As they are getting out of the car for school in the morning I typically flash three fingers at them. In response, Grant, my seven year old, is always good for a “I know dad – you love me, I’m special and you love being my . . .” as the car door slams to.
So the other night we got to talking right before bed and Grant asked me, “Daddy, why am I special?”
“Good question,” I replied, as I bought myself some time to compose an answer. “Why do you think you are special?” I asked.
“Because I was adopted?” Grant replied, as if asking me to confirm that he got the answer right.
In Grant’s response I was reminded of something that we as adoptive parents must be sensitive about. Our adoption stories are indeed special, full of miracles, joy and blessing. Our children are special, themselves a miracle and a joy and a blessing. But our children are not special in the same way that our adoption stories are special. Even more importantly, our children are not special because of our adoption stories.
Our children are so much more than a story – more than a past, present and future. They are fearfully and wonderfully made in the image of a loving and gracious God. They are passionately loved by this same God and they are objects of His pursuing and redeeming grace. They were made by Him and for Him. This is what makes them “special” and imbues them with unimaginable worth.
I know firsthand how our understanding of adoption changes over time. This is true for us as parents as well as for our children as adopted persons. Maybe “changes” is not the right word – maybe our understanding simply becomes more complete. As the years go by and the complexities of our story become more evident and understandable, we and our children gain new perspectives and discover varying emotions and realities associated with how “we” came together as a family. Some of these perspectives reveal a fresh sense of amazement and wonder; some of these emotions and realities can be difficult and even painful. As a result, it is important that our children are neither defined nor valued in relation to their adoption story.
Having collected my thoughts I replied to Grant, “No, silly. You’re not special because you were adopted – although I do think you have a pretty special story. Why are you special?”
“Because God made me?” he replied.
“That’s right,” I said. “And who loves you?”
“You do,” he said.
“But who loves you more?” I quickly replied.
“God does, I know.”
“Hey, Grant . . .” flashing three fingers as I walked toward the door.
“I know, you love me, I’m special and you love being my daddy,” he said.
This is an excellent book that focuses parents on what Scripture does (and does not) say about their role as parents, and how they can best fulfill it. It offers a refreshing and much needed look at parenting from a Christian perspective, and is highly relevant for adoptive and foster parents. To catch a glimpse of what the book is all about, check out this cover story recently featured in Christianity Today magazine.
Haven’t read the book? Don’t let that stop you from joining in. The conversation will be great for all, so make plans to join the Tapestry women Tuesday night at 7 pm.
The recently passed health care law included a provision that is highly relevant and beneficial to many adoptive families. The current federal adoption tax credit has now been increased and extended through 2011. Prior to the passage of this provision the credit was set to revert back to its pre-2001 value of $5,000 at the end of 2010.
Specifically, the new adotpion tax credit provisions contained in the health care law include:
the extension of the current adoption tax credit until the end of 2011
an increase in the value of the adoption tax credit from a maximum of $12,170 to $13,170 (this increase is “retroactive,” meaning that any adoption occurring after January 1, 2010 is eligible for this higher credit)
a change in the nature of the credit — it is now a refundable credit, which means that all qualifying families can receive the full tax credit (even if their taxes paid are less than the amount of the credit) in the form of a tax refund to help with their qualified adoption-related expenses
Regardless of your politics or your views on the new health care law, adoption and orphan advocates should all be able to agree that this important support for adoption is welcome news for children and families.
Tapestry has large group events in April and in May that you won’t want to miss. Be sure to mark your calendars now.
Overcoming Challenges Along the Journey — On Saturday, April 17, from 6:30 to 8:30 pm, Tapestry will host its next large group event that will feature a story panel of adoptive and foster families who will share about the challenges, joys and insights they have gained along the adoption and foster care journey. No matter where you are in the adoption or foster care process, this event is sure to be both informative and inspirational. The event is free and training credits will be available. Childcare will also be available for ages 0 to 12 with advanced registration.
Traveling Companions: Bringing Family & Friends Along on the Journey — On Saturday, May 8, from 6:30 to 8:30 pm, Tapestry will host an event focused on helping those involved in the adoption and foster care process understand how to effectively bring family and friends along on the journey. This event is ideal to invite family (such as grandparents, aunts/uncles, etc) and friends to attend with you, and will be a great way to start a healthy dialog about how they can better understand the process and some of the unique issues and challenges that adoptive families often face. The event is practical and will rely heavily on stories from real families. The event is free and training credits will be available, but childcare will not be available for this event.
On Thursday, March 25, from 7:00 to 8:00 pm (CDT), Dr. Karyn Purvis will be leading a free webinar entitled Parenting Children from Haiti and Other “Hard Places“. During this webinar Dr. Purvis will spend one hour answering parents’ questions on parenting their children from Haiti, and other “hard places” (which she will define). There will also be an opportunity to ask questions about attachment, sleep issues, behavior challenges, family dynamics or any other challenge you are facing.
The webinar is offered by Adoption Learning Partners and the response has already been tremendous. Space is limited so be sure to register soon!
Click here for more information or to register online.
We know fall probably seems so far away. After all, spring is not even officially here and we have the fun (and the heat) of summer still to come. But we all know how fast fall will be here and we want to make sure you go ahead and put two important dates on your calendar.
On Saturday, September 11, from 6:30 to 8:30 pm, Tapestry is throwing a party to celebrate five years of ministry. This evening will include dinner and some great stories, videos and more, as we look back at what God has done among our community of families and dream about what lies ahead. Tapestry only “turns five” once, so you will not want to miss this celebration. The entire evening will be free of charge and childcare will be provided. More details to come.
Also, be sure to mark your calendars for Saturday, October 23, from 9 am to 3 pm, for the 4th annual Tapestry Adoption & Foster Care Conference. This year’s conference will be packed full of great new stuff, and will feature Sherrie Eldridge (author of several books, including Twenty Things Adoptive Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew) as the keynote speaker. All of the details for the 2010 Tapestry Conference will be available at www.tapestryconference.org starting in August, and online registration will begin in early September. In the meantime, be sure to check out some of the resources from past Tapestry conferences.
Check out the latest video from Empowered To Connect, in which Dr. Karyn Purvis encourages parents to relate to their children in ways that foster strong and lasting connections:
Michael Monroe recently wrote this story for AdoptiveDads.org. 
